31 December 2006

Bandura Evening

In the U.S. for the holidays, we were nonetheless treated to a fascinating piece of Ukrainian culture at a friend's holiday party. Two of the top Bandurists from Ukraine, Taras Lazurkevych and Oleh Sozansky performed a few Christmas carols to raise funds for their project described on a leaflet as:
"...the renaissance and development of the Kharkiv (Poltavska) bandura which has been almost forgotten in Ukraine. With the help of you kind koliada donation, it will be possible to complete a much needed bandura workshop in Lviv, Ukraine."
The brief performance was organized by Oleh Mahlay, artistic director and conductor, of the Ukrainian Bandurist Chorus (www.bandura.org). From his introductory words I learned that the bandura is an instrument unique to Ukraine. I was also interested to learn about a little-known Kobzar (Bandurist player) convention in 1934 where Kobzars assembled from all over Ukraine only to be arrested and murdered. The facts are only starting to surface about this horrible tragedy. Wikipedia mentions the event:
"In recent years significant evidence has come to light that an ethnographic conference for bandurists, specifically for blind kobzars and lirnyks, was organised in Kharkiv in December of 1934 which was attended by approximately 300 blind musicians who were subsequently arrested and murdered."
If anyone has any leads regarding this conference I'd like to explore it further. If anyone would like to help build the bandura workship in Lviv, please contact Oleh Mahlay at (www.bandura.org).

30 December 2006

Seventh-Kilometer Market (Odesa)

During a recent visit to Odesa we visited the famous “Seventh-Kilometer” open-air market. Located on the outskirts of town, apparently on the seventh kilometer of the Odesa ring road, the rynok encompasses 70 hectares that stretch as far as the eye can see. A crowded one and two-story tall city of improvised sales booths (numbering 16,000 according to Wikipidea) lies beyond an expansive set of surprising well organized parking lots, bus stops, and marshutka depots. In the distance, a hillside is covered with steel ocean shipping containers converted to retail sales booths creating a visual tapestry of maroon, dark green, and blue squares lined up like children’s blocks against the grey sky on the horizon. The booths are arranged in long rows separate by tiny aisles crawling with bargain seeking shoppers. Under the pretext of looking for a leather winter coat, we walked down an aisle of winter coat booths that was probably a kilometer long, only to turn and see yet another winter coat aisle of the same length, and another, and so on. We walked almost continuously for four hours within what seemed like one small section of the market. Our guide Masha, the Odesyt, estimated that we had explored maybe 5% of the whole market.

The booths vary in architectural approach from the garden variety steel frame covered with cheap canvas to actual mini, two-story buildings with floors, roofs complete with rain gutters, and lighting. On the hillside, the old ocean containers are opened at one end, a table is setup at the entrance, and voila one has a ready made store complete with inventory storage facilities. I am amazed at the display of ingenuity and resourcefulness evident in the way the booths are engineered. The way the inventory is stored in tiny spaces yet instantly accessible could be a lesson for any logistics warehouse manager. Standing in front of a booth with hundreds of buttons and other sewing accessories, for example, we ask for one of the belt buckles and the woman behind the table finds it instantly in her lattice of shelves, containers and labeling methods. Walking through the noisy, crowded aisles past the endless booths is almost akin to an athletic event. Periodically we make room for vendors pushing their home made carts aggressively down the aisle yelling out their ala carte menus. Hot tea, coffee, roasted peanuts, varenyky, hachipuri, lavash, lula kebab, and many other items are offered for a reasonable sum during your shopping process. The storekeepers fend off the December chill by smoking and sipping cognac from small white plastic cups. The glaring lack of garbage cans in the entire complex leads to collections of empty cognac bottles on the ground in small piles at the end of each aisle. The subsequently happy sales people often converge with each other along booth boundaries to pass the time as shoppers steadily stream past. The mechanics of the sales process, that have probably evolved very little in thousands of years, are in full swing. We pretend we don’t really need the item we're negotiating for and the store keeper pretends that he doesn’t really need to sell it. Then each side argues mightily to advance their position of disinterest while, in parallel, the price point is adjusted almost as an afterthought. I admired the inventiveness of a few of the store keepers who replaced the standard, plain awnings (typical for each booth) with colorfully patterned ones to help the shopper, and potential customer, remember the booth and possible return.

The cash based, unregulated free-market principles at play gave the market an certain energy attracting 150,000 customers daily. Products range from genuine (in my opinion), to third-shift products (unsanctioned product runs by official manufacturer subcontractors in the far east -- generally with cheaper raw materials), to out-right knock-offs. We passed through the sewing supplies section where fake Dolce and Gabana, Armani, Brioni, Louis Vuitton, Adidas, and Nike labels were on sale by the roll. When I took a picture the storekeeper smiled and asked why. We I replied that it was just out of curiosity he said "Takoho ne buvaye".

In the end, we found the perfect winter coat (factoring in our suspicions that it may be a knockoff), conducted the requisite negotiation, bought some parsley and dill from a passing vendor and left the Seventh Kilometer as satisfied customers.

23 December 2006

ICTV - Freedom of Speech Show

ICTV 22.12.06 Svoboda Slova

lutsenko standing at the podium being questioned by Kinakh, Symonenko, Chornovil, Lytvyn, Shufrych etc:

"...as soon as we returned deputy immunity we returned large scale corruption
the level of corruption now is unprecedented.

the divisions in Ukraine are false.
the current government is using false divisions to rob the country.

i don't want to lead a party, and i have been offered to run one..as everyone knows (alluding to Nasha Ukraina)

i am going to the people
i will circle Ukraine
we don't need colors.
we need blue and yellow.

ukraine is united by laws and by fairness. it is time to start talking about these things no?

i want to go to the people. it may work, it may not. but this corruption has to stop. i want Ukraine to be a country where one can walk around without security and not fear for their safety.

to Taras Chornovil: Tarase you and i did stand at the barricade against Kuchma, with your father as well. I remain there, against any kuchma, and you Taras went over to the same forces you fought earlier.

i can guarantee you that the majority of socialists think the way i do.

re: yulia timoshenko, you call her an opportunist, but she gave a budget that helped people. that doubled their salaries. yours only increases it 7%. 7% with tariffs up 350% percent. you have declared war on the people in each household.

you continue to say the country is divided
a divided country is easier to steal from.

you continue to say that you are defending us from NATO. you think NATO will be ok without us?

today all actions are in motion to make the Ministry of Internal Affairs an administrative resource again.

Kuchmism is back. It's all back. The same words, the same criminal schemes...but it won't work because Ukraine is not the same. Ukraine is different after the events of 2 years ago. If we Ukrainians have to go back to the streets we will go back to the streets. If we need drums we will have drums again.

20 December 2006

Thank You iTunes

Since I live in Kyiv my means of keeping up with music is most commonly Apple's iTunes (online) Music Store. The occasional visit to scan the new releases makes me feel somehow youthful again. Not anymore. Now that Apple has so generously decided to keep track of my preferences and my purchases in their databases, I have earned the distinction of being offered "The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round - by Barney" upon arrival at the site. Please. Is there no escaping that androgynous purple monster?

29 November 2006

Parmesan Trattoria

This new restaurant serves mainly Italian fare as the name suggests. Located at the top of Andriyvskiy Uzviz, across from St. Andrew's Cathedral, Parmesan provides a small, cozy yet modern atmosphere. It has a good selection of wines and an interesting menu. I've only tasted the Tortellini with Raw Ham Prosciutto (77 uah) and I have to say it's the lightest, most delicate and tasty Tortellini I've ever had. With business guests from Germany we arrived at 10:30 pm on a Tuesday evening. The restaurant was still fully staffed and cheerful. The service was exquisite and the kitchen remained open as long as we liked without so much as a comment from the wait staff. Certainly worth a try. I'll be back. Parmesan Trattoria, 34B Andriyivsky Uzviz, +380 44 278 54 45, cpkorsar@svitonline.com

"Orange Chronicles" (Screening in New York)

The "Orange Circle" will be screening Damian Kolodiy and Peter Zielyk's documentary film "Orange Chronicles: A personal journey through Ukraine's Orange Revolution" on Tuesday, December 12th, in New York at the Anthology of Film Archives (32 2nd Ave at 2nd St.) at 7pm. Tickets are $10 (no advance tickets). From the flyer:

"Damian Kolodiy arrived in Kyiv on November 16th, 2004 and remained in Ukraine for all of the nation's historic Orange Revolution. From Kyiv to Donetsk to Odesa to Lviv, Kolodiy's documentary 'The Orange Chronicles' examines the watershed event through the poignant observations and personal interaction with Ukrainians on all sides of the debate."
For more information email: OrangeDoc@gmail.com or visit www.orangechronicles.com

Holodomor: An Act of Genocide

Yesterday, 28.11.06, the Verkhovna Rada historically passed a law declaring the Holodomor as an act of genocide. This is a remarkable step for Ukraine and significant win for President Yushchenko who went out on a limb by "demanding", not "requesting" that the VR vote as such.

Along the same lines, below is my reply to the email from Peter Dickinson, What's On magazine. I am indebted greatly to Marko R., Sev O., Dr. Jurij B. for quickly and concisely educating me about the Holodomor. In the end, I have come away with an abundant understanding of how little I know about the Holodomor and Ukrainian History in general. I look forward to expanding that knowledge. Several books about Holodomor, Stalin, etc. have been recommended to me. I plan to explore these and welcome any historical reading suggestions. Thank you.

Dear Mr. Dickinson,

Thank you for your reply and the clarification of your position.

Regarding your response, I believe that your characterization of the issue as a dichotomy “At core the issue is whether these people were murdered because they were Ukrainians, or because they were peasants” only confuses the issue. The people were targeted because they were Ukrainian and they were peasants.

Although the communist authorities decided that famine was not a practical tool for repression of Ukrainian nationalism in urban areas, repression in cities was well underway in the form of discrimination, repression of Ukrainian language schools, books, Ukrainian churches, mass imprisonment, executions, and deportation to Gulags (cf. released NKVD/KGB archives). Is being tortured to death in the city, for political reasons, somehow less horrifying than being starved to death in the countryside?

Historians can argue whether or not the primary aim of the Holodomor was political repression of Ukrainians, clearly there were other elements and objectives in play as in any war, genocide, or jihad. However, the fact that other elements were in play does not negate the genocidal component of a specific nationality being destroyed.

If applying your suggestion of a dichotomy to WWII would you argue that there was no genocide against Jews, Gypsies, Homosexuals, etc.. because WWII was motivated by other objectives (economic for one)? WWII happened for many reasons but these factors do not negate the fact that Jews and others were specifically targeted because of who they were.

Stalin’s targeting of nationalistic peasants in Ukraine more severely than nationalistic city-dwellers doesn’t lessen the fact that they were targeted for their nationalism. The fact that this nationalism coincided with a revolt against communists and collectivization doesn’t lessen the genocidal aspects of the man-made famine.

Israel Charny “Century of Genocide” has said that it is easier to prove doubt and win than it is to prove what really took place. Those that exclude the Ukrainian Holodomor from discussion limit the discourse on genocide and risk succumbing to a “selective perception of evil”. The VR in its historic decision yesterday decided not to be among the deniers, minimizers and obfuscators of genocide that assault survivors one more time. By legally declaring the famine a genocide they have truly taken a pro-Ukraine step. My congratulations.

Best regards,

Petro

27 November 2006

Answer from Editor of What's On Regarding Holodomor

The following is an answer to my letter to the editor (see earlier post).
Dear [Petro],

Thank you for writing in and sharing your thoughts on last week's editorial. As you may have ascertained I try to use the weekly editorial spot to encourage discussion of issues which I consider to be of importance to today's Ukraine, and judging from the response I have received in the past few days that has certainly been the case this week. As a long-time writer on Ukrainian issues and qualified historian I am well aware of your arguments, much as I am familiar with the tactics employed by the Yanukovich administration when dealing with such core issues, but neither suggests that my position on the Holodomor is not the correct middle ground.

I agree with your statement that Stalin clearly targeted Ukrainian villages, much as the regime targeted villages in Russia, the Caucasian region and elsewhere during the collectivization period. That is accepted historical fact. However, the debate here is essentially one of semantics. If, as you seem to believe, it was a racial genocide specifically targeted against ethnic Ukrainians, this begs the question of why ethnic Ukrainians in the cities did not suffer widespread starvation and why the famine was limited to the rural population. At core the issue is whether these people were murdered because they were Ukrainians, or because they were peasants. It is an admittedly ghastly question, but one which the nature of these genocide declarations forces us to address. The evidence overwhelmingly demonstrates that they died because they were part of a peasantry which the Bolsheviks had earmarked for destruction. In my opinion this also constitutes an act of genocide but given the body of evidence which has now come to light it is intellectually dishonest to argue that this genocide was racial in nature or targeted the Ukrainian people as a whole.

I appreciate that this is an extremely emotive issue and would not seek to offend anyone's sensibilities or sense of grief and desire for historical justice, but do believe that the best way to achieve closure and build a better Ukraine is through an honest and open appraisal of the facts. Please feel free to share this response with your email circle. I would welcome further comment on the Holodomor issue and may even consider publishing a selection on the subject.

Best regards,
Peter Dickinson
This puts me in research mode. Since, essentially I'm a business guy selling widgets, I've delved off into uncharted waters. I clearly need to answer the following issues for myself if not for anyone else.
"...this begs the question of why ethnic Ukrainians in the cities did not suffer widespread starvation and why the famine was limited to the rural population. At core the issue is whether these people were murdered because they were Ukrainians, or because they were peasants..."

Incredible Go-Karting in Brovary

About a half-hour from the center of Kyiv, on the left-bank in Brovary, there is a huge shopping center, bowling alley, movie theater, and Go-Karting center called "Terminal". The building is gigantic and its interior design is very similar to Ultramarine (by the Train Station). Probably built by the same folks. The Go-Karting race tracks (there are two of them) are indoors and professionally built with imported, spring-reinforced sidewalls. The age minimum is 14 years old or 12 with an adult (with height minimum as well). It's not cheap at 80 uah per person for a 15-minute race. Helmet, driver's coveralls, gloves, and a printout of your lap times and race results is included. Hat's off to the helpful staff and their seemingly effortless, professional organization of the actual Go-Karting which helped make the whole evening excellent. The restaurant overlooking the track serves up some above average fare and the service quality was excellent. Drive east, Metro bridge, past the last Metro stop (Lisna) and then towards Chernihiv after leaving the Kyiv city limits. More details here: Terminal Go-Kart Website.

26 November 2006

Letter to the Editor of What's On

I chose to mark the 73rd anniversary of Holodomor by ranting against What's On's editorial. Is What's On owned by Russians or something?

Dear Mr. Dickinson,

I am a little surprised by your position regarding the Holodomor as stated in "From the Editor" in the 24-30 Nov 2006 edition of "What's On" magazine. Your suggestion that "Calling it genocide simply gives an ethnic slant to this man-made monstrosity that is both historically dubious and socially divisive." leaves a lot to be desired for anyone even remotely familiar with Ukrainian history and Holodomor.

There is ample evidence that Stalin specifically targeted Ukrainian villages during the famine. Multiple countries have passed resolutions identifying the famine as genocide. Regarding "divisiveness" if one surveys world history, it's clear that memory of suffering unites a nation. By the Verkhovna Rada naming the famine "genocide" they would be making a statement that Ukraine is a nation. Is that not unifying?

It is clear that Yanukovych and his cronies are playing their trumped up "socially divisive" card every time an issue of national identity arises. It is also clear that he is pushing his agenda in the media through increasingly overt means. I was hoping What's On would retain some objectivity in the face of Yanukovych's administration. I guess I was wrong. What's On is clearly pursuing an "ethnic slant" of its own, and it's not Ukrainian.

24 November 2006

Tania Update IV

The medical expenses at Okhmadyt for Tania's treatment are not an issue (per Mr. JH's commitment below). The CHOP specialists are continuing contact (and offering to do this indefinitely) with Okhmadyt regarding Tania and will recommend her travelling to CHOP if at any time they feel she could be treated better there.

Unfortunately, it looks like Tania, who is scheduled for another round of chemo-therapy in mid-December will not be going back to the hospital for treatment. The parents have decided to withdraw her from treatment.

We have received multiple emails from the doctors in the U.S. regarding Tania's withdrawal voicing their concern over this decision and urging us to convey to the family how important it is to continue. For example (from Dr. H.):
Dr.Z.C. let me know that she updated you today reconfirming results of our 11/14 consultation for Tetyana with oncologists at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP): Leukemia Team physician meeting, which consists of senior level leukemia experts from CHOP as well as members of the bone marrow transplant team, today also supported continued care as proposed by physicians in Kyiv. Please relay this to Tetyana's parents and family. We hope that this will help Tetyana's parents and family find comfort and confidence in the care that Tetyana is receiving in Kyiv and to allow this care to resume as soon as possible to minimize any potential consequences of abruptly and prematurely stopped chemotherapy.

We have discussed all of the above with the family and we are hoping for Tania's parents to change their minds before it is too late.



Tania Update III

The teleconference with Children's Hospital of Philadelphia took place as scheduled. The excerpt below is from an email I received from Dr. Z.C:

The teleconference between the oncologist in Kyiv and CHOP experts on leukemia was excellent. Myself and Dr. H were also present. They directly discussed the methodology on which the diagnosis was made on Tania, including results of the chromosomal study. The doctors then discussed the treatment given so far and specific details about the doses of medications and reaction to the medications. The question of possible radiation to the brain and/or bone marrow transplantation were also discussed. Neither one of which is indicated for Tania's treatment.
The experts at CHOP found that everything was done correctly and the current treatment is very appropriate. They agreed 100% and they would not have done it differently. The current treatment is also identical to what CHOP would be doing if Tania was here. The specialists here are planning to be in continuous contact with the oncologist in Kyiv for follow-up. They do not feel that there are other alternatives for managing Tania that they or anybody else can offer. Everything is being done correctly.
The doctors here were very impressed with the Ukrainian physicians knowledge of oncology, as well as the command of her English language. If at any point, the situation changes and the doctors at CHOP feel they have something different or better to offer, they would recommend bringing Tania here.

13 November 2006

Tania Update II

The work to get Tania stateside for treatment continues. I had a business trip to the U.S. which left time for me to meet with Dr. Z.C., head of the Ukrainian Foundation and lead contact person working with CHOP. Tomorrow, 14.Nov is a big day for Tania's case as the CHOP oncologist at CHOP will be doing a video conference call with the head oncologist at Okhmadyt where Tania is being treated. Dr. Z.C. will provide the real-time translation.

21 October 2006

Tania Update

Ola and I have been amazed by the outpouring of support from our USA family, friends, the Ukrainian diaspora community, and from total strangers. From forwarding our email requesting leads, to providing us with hospital names and contact information, to translating medical records, it is moving how involved everyone has been.

To recap where we are now, Mr. JH of Wilmington, Delaware has generously agreed to take on the project of getting Tania treated in the U.S. including sending a plane for her. At the same time, through other connections Dr. Z.C. of Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP), has confirmed that CHOP will treat Tania's Leukemia as part of their ongoing humanitarian aid projects for children. A video conference will be held Tuesday between CHOP physicians and Ukrainian physicians to determine the best course of treatment for Tania based on her current medical condition. At present she is not stable enough to travel due to various serious complications. During the last week she has shown some improvement, however, and has been able to eat a little on her own as well as walk a few steps.

05 October 2006

Tania

Our friends sister Tania is 14-years old and suffering from Leukemia (cancer) which is, in many cases as far as I understand, curable with the proper treatment. Ola has spent hours in the Leukemia ward of "Okhmadyt" children's hospital in Kyiv. It is clear that Tania will not get the required treatment in Ukraine. Ola and I are looking for a western hospital (USA? Germany?) to provide pro bono medical care for Tania. If anyone has any contacts or any information regarding physicians, hospitals, or charitable foundations that we can contact on Tania's behalf we would greatly appreciate it. Please leave a comment on this post.

The following is a letter Ola wrote to the Children's Miracle Network:
Dear Children's Miracle Network!

I am writing to you because I am in search of a sponsor. I am an American living in Kyiv, Ukraine and have a very good friend here whose 14 year old sister was diagnosed with leukemia about 4 months ago. As you may know, Ukraine's medical system has a long way to go compared to the USA. I have been trying to figure out how to help them. I am an artist so I began painting my friend's sister (tania) along with many of the other children at the hospital in hopes of gathering some money together to help the family pay for her chemotherapy. They, by the way, have 10 children in this family, ALL of whom are working full-time to help pay for her treatment. It has become clear that they need much more than just a few hundred dollars to help save their sister.

Today again I spent a few hours at the hospital with my friend (Luba) and her sister. She had asked me to come to help gather some information together from the doctors because they are very "stingy" with their treatment plan. In brief, both doctors I spoke with seemed pretty knowledgeable, serious and comfortable with her treatment plan, which they say they do the same as in Germany.
THAT'S ON THE SURFACE OF COURSE. The facilities are still Ukrainian and the staff still gets paid pennies so very few people follow through with any real sense of responsibility. They ask family members to do a lot of the follow through and of course, the family is continuously going themselves to buy needles, medicine,or whatever is needed.

Their mother seems to be out of strength. First she trusted everyone and now she trusts noone so when they ask her things like to make sure Tania doesn't drink any liquids for x amount of time, the mother would probably give Tania water if she asked for it. It's all very delicate psychologically because if you get any of the staff angry, they will just kick you out of the hospital. you have to be completely knowledgeable yourself and also watch every step they take but then some of their egos get angry when you do. You have to bring staff members presents so that they will check on your daughter! The mother even doubts some of the workers if they actually administered the expensive meds to Tania because she thinks the woman pocketed half of it to get money for her own family. I have heard from several people that this truly happens. Poverty.

The family is worried right now because Tania hasn't eaten for a week after the last chemo treatment because of liver problems. she has sores all over her body and they say they are having trouble finding ways to feed her through her veins. I think it is necessary to send her to America for a thorough check and for further treatment before it is too late. I have heard many medical horror stories since I have moved here 4 years ago and my cousin died here 2 years ago from improper treatment of melanoma. The treatment plan may be from Germany but the follow through is from Ukraine where employees have very limited knowledge and would make more money cleaning someone's house than working in the hospital. (including the doctors).

This is the story, briefly. I am asking on their behalf........is there a sponsorship program or some kind of program that would pay for her medical bills in the USA?

Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Ola Rondiak

03 October 2006

"Reko and Friends" Art Exhibit Opening



The IWCK Painting Group is having an opening of their Art Exhibition entitled "Reko and Friends". They will be displaying art by long-time Painting Group member Reko, who will soon be leaving Kiev, along with paintings by the rest of the group (including Ola).

Everyone is invited to come to the opening this Friday, October 6th from 6:30 to 8:30 at the Pavlo Tychyna Museum which is located at 5 Tereschenkivskaya (near the Shevchenko Park, across from Shalena Mama Restaurant).

The exhibiton will be open to the public from October 6th till October 13th. The Museum hours are 9am till 6pm.

26 September 2006

Ukrainian Adoptions

This is a plug for a trusted friend. If you need assistance with your adoption process in Ukraine, I can recommend: http://www.embraceachild.com/
Roman has navigated the murky waters of this process himself, successfully, and is prepared to share his experience to assist other do the same.

23 September 2006

Czech Proverb

I just returned from a two day trip to Germany to visit one of the car manufacturers. Borispil is still packed. This time I tried Czech air with a Prague transfer. Everything went smoothly and I even got a Czech proverb on the piece of paper wrapped around the napkin that came with the meal. It said: "The way one eats is the way one works."

Perfectly true in my case! I eat too fast, too much, and at times not the right things. At work I work too fast, too much, and at times not on the right things. Those Czechs got it right with this one.

19 September 2006

Current Weather in Kyiv


The weather forecast plug-in at the bottom of my web browser informs me that the current weather in Kyiv is "Smoke".

Interview Tips for Job Applicants

I must have interviewed over 200 applicants in my years working in Ukraine. And these are the ones that pass the initial screening by HR and department managers. Here's a little tip for the job applicant. Those who come to the interview with a clean copy of their CV are miles ahead of the other applicants. If they bring a pad of paper, a pen, and actually take a note or two....they are the cream of the crop.

While I'm on the subject. Here are some things that don't work to get your senior management position with our company:
  1. When asked where their CV is the applicant responds with "I heard that I am supposed to have my CV with me and I called your HR Director and asked her to print one out for you. Perhaps you can call her and see where it is."
  2. When asked if they have any questions about the company the applicant responds with "No, I know everything. Thank you."
  3. When asked if I might contact one of the applicant's bosses from a previous job: "No, I'd rather you didn't. I didn't meet his expectations and he fired me."
  4. Taking a mobile phone call in the middle of the interview.
  5. Taking another mobile phone call a few minutes later.
  6. Showing me a little folded vinyl "official document" and claiming that it's worth something and I should hire you.
  7. Stating that your wife's sister's husband's cousin works in the President's Administration and that we won't have any problems. No thanks.