Pawn to King 4: The Prosecutor’s Opening

From the tone of the official letters that I received demanding my presence, one would think I was meeting the top Prosecutor in the country. As it happens, it is one of the Prosecutor’s assistants that will take my deposition. He opens the door to the small office he shares with another assistant and invites my lawyer and me to sit down opposite him at his small desk. It strikes me that this office is impressively equipped relative to the other government offices I’ve been in. A personal computer sits on each desk; an air-conditioning unit hangs above a large window.

He is young, though well schooled in the bureaucratic manner of the old pros twice, or even three times his age. The opening is standard. It involves setting up the immensity of the crude, blatant, and negligent violation that Ministry X’s diligent Inspectorate has documented in their official “Protocols of Inspection”.

“Are you familiar with the contents of Article 63 of the Constitution of Ukraine?” he asks.

“Yes” I reply. I was briefed earlier.

“And do you consciously waive those rights? If so, sign here.”

Ok, even though I am fully aware that I am playing my role in a corruption dance there is still a little room in my psyche for fear to creep in. After all, he does have the power to incarcerate me on whatever charges he wishes to trump up. Seeing the inside of a Ukrainian prison, even for an hour, is not on my “to do before I die” list. I sign the document.

“Well,” he starts, “as a foreigner our laws may seem a little primitive to you. I fully agree. In fact it pains me that the legislation is so confusing with so many contradictory instructions and clarifications. I really feel for people like you who run businesses but there is little I can do. I have to play by the rules right? I have to enforce the law as it is.”

“Of course,” I reply, “the laws are there to protect Ukraine and its citizens. We, at the company bend over backwards to comply with every regulation no matter how arcane and seemingly illogical. We learned early on that to do otherwise would simply open us up to a continuous revolving door of inspectors and fines.” then dropping the volume of my voice I add “official and otherwise”.

“I’m glad you agree”, he nods ignoring the last phrase, “sometimes I get the impression that you Americans do things in Ukraine they would never think of doing in America for fear of the strict fines there.” He muses for moment. “I was in Chicago once you know.”

“Nice city.” My mind conjures images of Ministry X bureaucrats and their counterparts from other countries at a lakeside convention hall checking out each other’s new Armani suits. This is going well I think to myself naively. Maybe it was ok to say no to paying that bribe last week?

“Now about the facts of the matter at hand. Our Inspectorate has pictures of your violation. If you add up the damages, it’s over twenty thousand Hryvnia. That means, that we are not discussing the simple matter of an administrative fine. No indeed, you as General Director of the company, are criminally liable. Are you aware of this?” he asks arching his eyebrows and looking over the top of his glasses.

“Are you opening a criminal case against my client?” pipes up my lawyer, suddenly awake and alert.

When speaking with a Ukrainian government official I’d rather not even be part of a conversation with word “criminal” in it.

“Well, not at this point. I need to ask some questions.” answers the Prosecutor.

I can sense the smugness in his demeanor. He is satisfied with the way the opening is playing out. From the numerous piles of legal paperwork he picks up one in particular and starts flipping through the pages.

“It’s a shame,” sighs the Prosecutor “now that the Protocols of Inspection have been filed with my office I have to investigate”. The implication being that I had my chance to make a deal at the Inspectorate level at a reasonable rate, and that now it’s going to cost me.

“Now. Let’s get started. Passport please.”

Finding the Prosecutor's Office

I am searching for the address of the specialized prosecutor from a ministry that I’ll refer to as “Ministry X” for the purposes of this entry. The location is not obvious from the street so the lawyer and I enter the most logical choice of archways into a courtyard to continue our search. My planned supply of searching time is eroding and I am in danger of being late. They love it when you are late because it gives them license to make you wait for a hugely disproportionate amount of time. They relish this part of the corruption dance.

Finally, among a collection of weather-beaten, plastic signs next to a non-descript door we find a small “Office of the Prosecutor of Ministry X” sign. With a minute to go we enter the jumble of half-renovated office space and begin the game of trying to find the office we need. We approach a secretary with our plight and after the requisite “you are nobody to me” delay she finally turns away from the television to look at us. Her demeanor can only be described as the personification of the phrase “You’ve obviously mistaken me for someone that gives a crap”. With a scowl she motions toward a hallway that we quickly shuffle down while reading the signs on the doors. Deputy This and Deputy That all the way down the hall. The last door has the last name we are looking for on it. I am about to knock on the door when the lawyer stops me.

“Remember, the prosecutor has the right to ask for your attorney not to be present. In that case you should refuse to answer on the grounds that you might incriminate yourself. Say something about being a foreigner and not fully understanding the language. Then mention Article 63 of the constitution.”

“Article 63? Ok.”

Kyiv and Prague

Visiting Prague from Kyiv I naturally begin to compare the two. Some might argue that comparing the second most popular tourist destination city in Europe (Paris being the first) to Kyiv is silly at best, the comparison nonetheless enters my thoughts.

Traffic Under Control
With no apparent large roadways, somehow the traffic, at least in the center of Prague where we stayed, is managed and under control. A matter of organizing flow, parking, and law enforcement I am guessing. The tour guide, during the boat trip, told us that up to the 18th century there was only one bridge across the Vltava river (the famous Charles bridge). Now the river is crossed by 17 bridges.

Monuments to Victims of Communist Oppression
Czech people commemorate those that were killed (among them students) opposing the communist occupation. In Ukraine, it seems that history is more of a debate subject than something that is part of the country's identity.

Tourism
The streets are filled with tourists, even in these cool fall days. I can't imagine Prague in the summer when the tourism most likely detracts from what the city has to offer. Kyiv has so much to offer and so little real tourist infrastructure. The impact of a healthy tourist industry, and all the required services, would be huge in Kyiv.

High-times at the Security Council

On Ukrainian television yesterday I came across a clip of President Yushchenko conducting a National Security Council meeting and then I heard him say something about laying in a field of Marijuana. Blogger Abdymok captured the intriguing line of reasoning: read it here.

The Champ is Back! Klitschko vs. Peter, Berlin 11.10.2008

Vitaliy Klitschko, after a four-year hiatus, entered the ring last Saturday night to face Samuel "the Nigerian Nightmare" Peter in the WBC Heavyweight Championship of the world. He was extremely well received in the O2 World Arena by both the Germans, who consider the long-time Hamburg resident one of their own, and of course by the Ukrainians from Germany, other EU countries, the USA, and from Ukraine. The Ukrainian flags numbered in the hundreds and were being waved throughout the brand new arena, only opened a few weeks earlier.

The national anthems of both countries (Ukraine and Nigeria) where played with flags displayed in the ring.

Entering the ring to the tune of AC/DC's "Hell's Bells", complete with huge bell suspended from the arena ceiling and ringing eerily, Vitaliy looked in shape and focused. Vladimir his brother, entered the ring with this training team and helped in the corner. Himself a current heavyweight champion, Vladimir was the only boxer to beat Samuel Peter in the Nigerian's long string of title bout victories.

Many Vitaliy fans were nervous. Can a fighter really come back after four years out of the ring? A video on the diamond vision was played right before the fight with best wishes said personally to Vitaliy. George Foreman, Lennox Lewis, and others (including even Mike Tyson) have Vitaliy their encouraging words.

The fight itself consisted basically of eight rounds of Vitaliy pounding on the "Nigerian Nightmare". At first I was expecting Peter to surprise us with a punch to Vitaliy's head, but he was unable to get in. Peter's small stature was no match for Vitaliy's long arms. The match ended by Peter resigning while in the corner after the eighth round. Victory Vitaliy.

We lingered after the fight and watched as Vitaliy (and Vladimir) and Vitaliy's wife all gave interviews for the media. Someone on Vitaliy's team stretched out a Ukrainian Flag behind Vitaliy as a backdrop. One of the interviews was for the audience and was broadcast in the Arena. From what I could gather, it was in German, the interviewer asked if Vitaliy was going to go back into politics. The question actually caught him off guard and he stuttered and struggled to come up with a non-commital reply while grinning widely.

Go Vitaliy!

Swan Song for the Orange Revolution

A swan song is being sung in Ukraine for the Orange Revolution. Of the team that once stood together on the stage on Maidan Nezalezhnosti even Yuriy Lutsenko is now breaking from supporting President Yushchenko. The OR has received a great deal of retrospective heat since those cold days on Maidan in 2004. It seems the predominate opinion is that the political capital established by President Yushchenko and Yulia Tymoshenko has been recklessly squandered replaced instead by in-fighting and indecisiveness. The teenager on T.V. yesterday asks: "When are politicians going to stop worrying so much about politics and start worrying about Ukraine and its economy?"

As much as I too would have loved to see the days on Maidan followed up with mass indictments of corrupt government bureaucrats, the OR will always hold a special place in my heart due to the simple fact that Ukrainians rose up together, stood their ground , and demanded their voice be heard. It was an incredible, festive, peaceful time of working together as a people.

Nowhere have I seen this captured better on film than in the "Orange Chronicles" by Damyan Kolodiy. (cf. Orange Chronicles Website)

Damyan has been faithfully conducting viewings and participating in film festivals with his documentary. Most recently he has shown his film in London, and at the EU in Brussels. See his interview with BBC here: BBC Interview

Ukrainian Hospitality

The King and Queen of Sweden spent three days in Ukraine last week. On their itinerary was a visit to a "Swedish" settlement in the Kherson Oblast. The citizens where thrilled with the visit. In a television interview, a woman said "I was thinking that they would stay for a few days at least. They only visited for one day. They should stay longer. 'Malo' she said."

Ukraine's 17th Anniversary of Independence

Even though I am in Lviv, the first time for independence day, I found myself watching the live coverage of the Independence Day parade in Kyiv on T.V. on this news channel called "24". This year, after a seven year hiatus, Ukraine brought back the military parade down Khreschatyk. Yuriy Yekhanurov, Minister of Defense, standing in the back seat of his Zil convertible addressed each of the military units assembled in parade dress stretching from maidan to TSUM. He then returned to Maidan, dismounted the Zil and walked down a red carpet to the podium where President Yushchenko. They exchanged some unamplified words, presumably a quick report about the state of the military from the Minister of Defense to the President, followed by a hand shake. He then took a place next to the President and the parade started. Each branch marched by to the music of the military orchestra. The orchestra was playing a marching medley which oddly included the phantom of the opera theme. Tanks and other mechanized units followed the marching troops. After the armored vehicles helicopters, then jets, and finally an escorted bomber flew overhead to the cheers of the crowd. In his speech Yushchenko mentioned that Ukraine is on the path to "Euro-atlantic" integration, carefully avoiding the term "North-atlantic". Yulia was not shown in any of the coverage. I wonder where she is celebrating?

Villa Gross

Villa Gross, another luxury goods store opened in Kyiv the other day. We are living in times that are forgiving of weak translations .

"Dolls" Exhibit Opens!

Ola's new art exhibit opened successfully last Thursday, 27.09.07, at Suzirya on Jaroslavyj Val 14. The exhibit will remain at Suzirya until October 14th and is open for viewing throughout the day, including weekends. More details here.

Ola's description of the exhibit:

"Dolls, more specifically Ukrainian dolls, are not just representations of human beings but symbolic in various ways. For some, nostalgia for childhood and for others simply toys. They can be cute, awkward, still or alive, but never perfect just like us. Most amazingly they say so much with silence and their simplicity."

Ukraine Advances No. 7 Car Market in Europe

Ukraine continues to climb the charts in terms of automotive markets in Europe. Good for business. Bad for traffic. In August alone over 51,000 new vehicles were registered in Ukraine. (Data Courtesy of Auto-Consulting)

Stagebuilders on Speed

If anyone, other than billboard owners, is making any money on these elections it's the stage builders of this town. Massive stages complete with walls and ceilings are erected for a day of political propaganda and then hastily disassembled. Up and down they go. All over the city. Here is PoR's, on Maidan - almost as big as Elton John's.

Putin's Dacha Neighborly Relations

Similar to my oligarch neighbor, it appears Putin's causing waves in his dacha neighborhood too. interactive map from WSJ

Morning Commute

On Tuesday half my management team was two hours late due to yet anothergrizzly accident on Moscow Bridge. Two dead.

Kyiv Post just published an relevant article: Surge in roadway accidents detected.

...fatalities grew by 22.9 percent from 4,425 deaths in 2006 to 5,596 in 2007 DAI head Alexei Kalinskiy said that accidents are up by 34.8 percent during the first eight months of this year to more than 163,000 compared to 120,000 recorded during the same period in 2006.

Tips for surviving your commute based on my observations: drive a big car with air bags, stay out of the left lane when there is an opposing traffic lane and no guard rail, and don't drive fast.

Political Creatives

Saturday was the last day poll data, regarding the elections, could be released to the public. If I heard correctly on Radio ERA while driving the girls to ballet, at this point the polls look like 34% PoR, 23% BYuT, 11% NUSO, and small stuff, under 3% for socialists, commies, and others. From now on, no ratings.

Kyiv is fully pasted over with political propaganda. Three main types of outdoor advertising is in use. The standard billboard, the rectangular, hanging over the street "Trolley" adverts, and the sort of flags/banners that are affixed to telephone or light poles along the sides of the streets.

The parties in their wisdom and their counseling from professional PR people have taken some different approaches:

Of course we have the braid...


The glasses....



and more glasses...


then the arm...


heck, schemes PoR, Yanukovych's mugshot isn't exactly eye-candy, why not just put up our amazingly cool slogans:


and the commies take a whole wall....

Morning Commute Observations

Traffic. Pollution. People waiting for marshutkas. People following the rules of road. People breaking them. Black smoke clouds billow from an ancient bus that lumbers down the road tilted a little to the right. Fender-benders with drivers squaring off, screaming into mobiles and gesticulating at one another. Major accidents see photos here. I passed this scene en route to work last Tuesday morning -- though after the bodies were removed.

Many interesting customs, bordering on superstitions, pervade Ukrainian society (per my exposure to it). Don't shake hands across a door entrance way. Don't speak about a baby before it's born, etc. One thing that is NOT apparently taboo is showing dead bodies in the media: T.V., in press, and online.

It is very strange seeing dead crash victims during my commutes. I've seen at least a dozen during the last few years. The pedestrian that was crossing a highway, at night, dressed in black (and drunk?). The two teenagers thrown 10 meters from their moped. T-shirts, no helmets, and lots of blood. Corpses trapped in cars with dutiful men from raytivnycha sluzhba using massive hand tools, "jaws of life", to rip sheet metal and get access to them. There's this instant dissociation that occurs in my head. Like I'm on a movie set. It's not real. They're actors. But they are not actors. They are real dead people I pass on my commute.

Svoboda Slova

I learned and interesting tidbit today. There are actually TWO Svoboda Slova's now that Savik Shuster has moved his show from ICTV to INTER (for which he is being sued).
Apparently, there is also one on 5 Kanal, hosted in Ukrainian. So I no longer need to decipher Mr. Shuster's Russian (although it has become a lot easier for me lately). Friday night political T.V.

My Neighbor the Oligarch

I have yet to see the oligarch but I know he exists. His home construction, eight houses down the street from us, is not yet finished. I do know he visits periodically. On my way home I sometimes see his black and grey Rolls Royce parked in front of the site looking incredibly clean on the yellow dirt and construction trash. The Oligarch's Rolls is never alone. Oligarch cars travel in packs. The supporting collection of Sport Utility Vehicles, a Mercedes, a Lexus and a Toyota Prado, also park in front of the construction site. The malnourished looking drivers stand in a little circle of Pryluky tobacco smoke nervously gesturing to one another and glancing at the site entrance lest one of the bosses exit. What are these extra vehicles for I wonder. Security personnel? Friends? Part of the his entourage?

We have some big houses in our neighborhood, but generally people keep to themselves, park their cars inside their two meter walls and mind their own business. The road we live on was peaceful until Rolls Royce Oligarch started visiting. The road is lined with houses on one side and a national park forest zapovidnyk on the other side. In the evenings people stroll on the road. When I turn the corner I typically see a pair of mothers each pushing a baby carriage with one hand and holding a plastic liter bottle of Chernihivske in the other. I see men walking dogs and old women, in their year-around snow boots, walking cows home from the pasture. If I'm returning from work late in the evening less people are walking and more are congregating in small groups at the intersections which have at least a single light post working. Teenagers laugh and play music on their mobile phones and old ladies with their hair covered in scarves gossip.

A few weeks back everything changed on our street. Actually, the street itself changed. In the span of five days the Rolls Royce Oligarch built a second road, 10 meters to the left of our current road and parallel to it. He cut out a piece of the Zapovidnyk and laid a road down in five days flat. I am sure all the permits for cutting into the National Park were secured legally and transparently. Not. Witnessing the daily progress led me to conclude that things can get built insanely quickly here in Kyiv. The mohorytch's (sp?) that he (or his people) organized almost nightly during the construction, right there outside, by his new road, must have been part of the permitting process. All this construction of course begs the question: why did he build this second road immediately parallel to the first road? My question was answered in the next few days when workers started building a wall from the existing front wall of the Oligarch's house, across the old road and turning a corner at the border with the new road. The Oligarch was unhappy with the size of his front yard and decided to expand it to encompass the area of the street that passes in front of his current fence. To accomplish this he needed the second road so that others could still get by. So now all the neighbors have two roads in front of their houses. One that stretches across the front of all the houses on the street (the new one), and the old one that also stretches in front of all the houses on the street EXCEPT one Rolls Royce Oligarch house.

Yulia Addresses Western Investors

Yulia Timoshenko - BYuT's Contract with Investors was a carefully managed meeting between Yulia and EBA and AMCHAM members in the recently opened Hyatt St. Sophia. The room was packed. Simultaneous translation was provided for those that required it and press kits included english and ukrainian version of a three page policy summary entitled "Contract With Investors". At the end of her impressive speech, she made a point of signing two copies, handing one to the head of EBA and one to the head of AMCHAM. I really dug the results oriented approach in everything she spoke about. Tangible project steps were outlined and timelines were stated. Like all good politicians she outlined broadsweeping reforms in a wide variety of sectors. Her answers to questions from the audience were concrete, thorough and intelligent. She seemed on top of the issues.


In a bizarre twist near the end of the meeting, an elderly man in the back of the room stood up and introduced himself as a Congressman from the USA. He then proceeded to quote the bible and lectured Yulia not to succumb to pride as a result of all the media attention. Again quoting the bible, he recommended that she not allow herself to be isolated from the counsel of many wise people in the citizenry that may seek access to her. Yulia, listening through the simultaneous translation, had a quizzical look on her face. Not sure where this was going. Finally, the self-proclaimed Congressman concluded with: "I was recently back in Washington for a visit and I was asked by various high-level officials about what it was like in Ukraine. They were particularly interested in what 'this Yulia Timoshenko' was like. I answered that Yulia is a visually a pretty woman, conducts herself always as a lady, thinks like a man(?), and works like a horse." what?

If I had to pick between BYuT, PoR, and Nasha Ukraina, (which i don't) it's a no brainer to pick BYut. Like my journalist friend commented at the meeting. "She takes a lot of criticism but she is definitely a strong force in Ukrainian politics. She will be around for a long, long time."

As an aside, in conclusion, she announced the launch of her english-language website www.ibyut.com today and encouraged the meeting participants to visit it.

An Eight Month Break

Time flies. I decided to take little break from the blog and little very quickly mushroomed to 9 months. Wow. Well, I'm still here and Ukraine is still here. Time to blog again.